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written february 14, 2000
Valentines. Bah, humbug.
So I was working on a mail to send to my friends for Valentine's. Something nice. Now, I can never seem to do anything nice. My best intentions turn into a pile of steaming crap. So this year, I thought I'd sent out an anecdote about my childhood and Valentine's.
And already, I'm being held responsible for ruining four Valentine's. Woohoo. So let me ruin yours.
I can never think of Valentine's Day without my mind travelling back to elementary school and those little Valentine parties we had. You remember them. The paper sacks designed with hearts which your classmates would fill with Valentine cards in accordance to how much the liked you, letting you know your true place in the social scale of the schoolyard and helping to build an early lack of self-worth.
We all have special memories of those times, and I'd like to share one of my memories with you. Actually, it's from my first Valentine's party, in preschool. There was a little redhaired girl I had a crush on, as little kids tend to do, and was too shy to confront her. But then came Valentine's Day.
At recess, I dutifully dropped off all my Ziggy Valentine Cards and had eaten through all the tolerable candies in my little horde. There was one Valentine I didn't leave in a sack, though. On the playground, I walked up to that little redheaded girl and handed her a Valentine I'd hand-drawn with hearts and cupids.
"I like you," I said to her.
She smiled.
"I don't like you," she replied. "You're ugly!"
And with a gleeful giggle, she punched me in the mouth.
Over and over.
And that's how, on a magical Valentine's Day over twenty years ago, I learned about the Tooth Faerie, as well as the other meaning of, "brutally honest."
On an up note, my taste in women has improved a little... if only a little.
... back to writing.
